Finding a Therapist is EASY (for a Software Engineer)

This week, I found myself discussing therapy with another developer. What started as a few pointers quickly turned into a wall of text. So, here it is, slightly tweaked for broader use. I hope it helps!

Remember, this is all from my personal experience. Your mileage may vary.

The Approach: How To Think About Therapy If You Are A Developer #

Just like we don’t expect our code to be perfect in the first commit, therapy is an iterative journey. It’s about gradually understanding and improving ourselves, not unlike how we refine and enhance our software with each iteration.

Not just that: therapy helps us develop another crucial aspect – emotional intelligence. This balance is key not just for our personal lives, but also in our professional environments: it might not look like it on a surface level, but empathy and understanding play a significant role in team dynamics and leadership.

And remember burnout? You know, that thing that 73% of software engineers have ALREADY EXPERIENCED? Therapy is a formidable tool in preventing and recovering from it. Not a cure-all, but damn close with time and effort.

The Proto-Question: So, Should I Get A Therapist? #

I believe that every adult should take care of their mental health, so I would say that the default answer is YES.

Feeling overwhelmed or stuck? It’s time for therapy.

Are you male? Then it’s a DOUBLE YES.

Getting Your Ducks In A Row #

Choosing a therapist is about choosing someone that you will trust and will make you feel safe and not judged, probably more than anyone else in your life. You should be careful in the process of selection. Here are some decisions that I would suggest you take your time pondering on, before starting the actual search.

Gender #

Do you have a preference for a male or female therapist? This choice is deeply personal and can significantly affect your comfort level.

Language #

Which language do you find it easier to express yourself in? I guess this is mostly for bilingual people, but ensure your therapist can accommodate your language needs.

Psychological Approach #

Now, the big one: the type of therapy. There are many ( oh, so many), each with different methodologies, levels of activity, and focuses. The American Psychological Association categorizes them into five main groups:

• Psychoanalysis and psychodynamic therapies
• Behaviour therapy
• Cognitive therapy
• Humanistic therapy
• Integrative or holistic therapy

Consider researching these approaches to see which resonates with you.

Actually Finding The Therapist #

Once you have decided on all the above, it’s finally actually time to look for a therapist. It might surprise you, but the best way I’ve found is to use a good ol’ search engine, and find the websites of the single studios or practitioners in my general area. Use those to find someone that aligns with the selections you made ealier - and then then leverage the fact that most therapists offer an initial free session, which is an excellent opportunity to assess compatibility.

Unless there’s clear incompatibility right from the get-go, I recommend committing to at least 3/4 sessions to truly gauge the relationship you are creating with this other person and the effectiveness of the therapy type. Trust the therapist about the frequency (ex. weekly, every other week, etc.).

If possible, opt for in-person sessions: a physical office can provide a safe and conducive environment for therapy, enhancing the overall experience. I think this is key especially at the start of a therapy journey; once you have created that relationship, you can evaluate doing remote sessions but I’ve found it hard to find a space as safe and distraction-free.

If you want some more pointers, Mike McQuaid shared some guidelines as well in his “How To Find A Therapist”.

The Money Bit, Aka Why I Said “EASY” In The Title #

I’ll let you in on a little secret: if you want to trigger a reaction in a software engineer, you have two ways: one is to tell them that something is impossible (and they will go to the end of the world to prove you wrong) or that it’s easy (and they will not believe you and try to prove you wrong).

Aside from click-baiting you into reading so far, I do actually believe that software engineers do have it easier than most when it comes to starting therapy: it is usually expensive, but software engineers get paid above average pretty much everywhere (you can quickly prove - or maybe disprove me, in which case let me know - by googling the average soft eng salary vs average overall salary for a given country). And, usually, this type of roles comes along with health insurance, which usually means that you can go to them first and they will provide you with the list of practitioners they are able to cover (at least partially).

On top of that, goes without saying, it’s also easier because developers know how to surf the web much more easily than most - a great skill to have during the research phase.

All of that said, for those who might find the cost prohibitive, there are charities and associations that offer support: I’ve added all that I could find in my Notion board for Mental Health resources. I also really like Anna Akana’s suggestions in her video “ If you can’t afford therapy, do this”.

Wrapping Up #

Finding the right therapist is simpler than it seems. It’s about defining your preferences, exploring options, and committing to the process – akin to starting a new project or learning a programming language. It’s a valuable investment in your well-being, both personally and professionally.

Remember: maintaining your mental health is as crucial as keeping the systems running smoothly. If you need advice or have questions about starting this journey, I’m here to help.

Stay healthy and code on 🫂

BONUS: Extra Content #

If you’re keen on diving deeper into mental health, especially from the perspective of software engineers, I’ve got just the thing. I host a YouTube series where we explore the mental health challenges faced by developers and the strategies they use to navigate them. Check out the released episodes right here.